Whenever I have the opportunity to explore the parks or take an extended journey somewhere in the city, I try to take a route that I've never traveled before. This city has so many views to offer that I know I will never experience them all, but at least this way I hope to be able to take in a few.
A few weeks ago, I decided to explore Riverside Park. Each time I take a different way around, a new exit, what have you. I've discovered the Boat Basin Cafe (though have yet to go ... on the list, though) and the bike/footpath along the Hudson River. Over the last few weeks, I've been taking time to take short walks, a few runs, and the occasional trip to lie on the lawn and read in the sun (when there is some!).
I had the day off today, my own little Pioneer Day (observed), as my boss needed me in the office on Friday. I had no real plans, as I hadn't planned on being off, and while several suggests were given, I decided to see where the day would take me.
Late morning I decided to go for a walk, to take a new route through the park. Just as I had reached the point I had planned to go to, I looked up and saw the George Washington Bridge. I pulled out my iPhone, figured out how far it would be and decided to do it. I wasn't prepared. I had no water with me, no sunblock, but I decided to do it anyway. So I put my iPod on shuffle and was off.
There were several strange turns, the path was kept up better in some areas than others. Strangely enough, it was better kept in the areas of the island that I would not otherwise walk through. I walked past a water filtration plant, passed graffitied buildings, and sometimes through mud.
The road was paved and for the most part flat, so there were no real obstacles. Occasionally the sign would divert pedestrians to a different path than bikers. One such situation occurred as I was nearing what seemed to be the end. The bridge was big in sight, Google maps showed that I didn't have far to go. But suddenly the path wasn't paved anymore, it was a thin narrow dirt path, the kind you find in the woods, the off shoots of a proper hiking trail. This path narrowed further and further until it came to the cliff side where some makeshift boards had been placed over the rocks as the water splashed against them below. The path up ahead was not in sight as the cliff face curved and it looked desolate and overgrown.
I stood there fore a moment trying to decide if this was as close to the dream that I would get, or if I took the chance to cross the wobbly boards to see what, if anything, was waiting for me on the otherside. Several thoughts ran through my head.
Last night I had the opportunity to attend a fireside (lecture) by the recently appointed President of Utah Valley University, and son of the Apostle, Elder Holland, Dr. Matt Holland. After his remarks about Abraham Lincoln he took a moment to share a story about his struggles to find a wife.
He commiserated with us, saying that he'd sat where we were now, literally, having lived in Boston and come to Manhattan to find girls while attending grad school. He had decided that his lack of success in love was that he did not have a dating theme. So he decided it would be the Drive of 95, wherein he would not eat a meal outside of the presence of a person of the opposite sex the entire summer, and he never missed a meal. But nothing was clicking. Then on his return from a particularly horrible date, his sister decided that she would find him a wife.
A few days later she came home with one name. He called the girl, and the only free time both of them had was the very evening before he left for grad school, which just so happened to be the very day after his baby brother (7 years younger) was getting married in the typical Mormon tradition, of just 1 year after returning from his mission.
He awoke the morning after the wedding completely depressed and completely without faith in the promised blessings. In his misery he got up to walk down the hall to call this girl to cancel and just spend the day getting ready for grad school. As he was walking he distinctly remembers the thought "I may not have the faith, but I have hope". And so he went on the date, they got married, and they have a family.
I stood today at what just seemed like a forgotten path, and debated going back, thinking I would try another day, but knowing in my heart that I would likely not make that trip again. I pulled out Google maps, it said I could make it all the way there, but then again, the directions have led me astray before. I was ready to give up on the goal of making it to the bridge because the path seemed too unsure, and I couldn't see what was up ahead. And then something in me said, just try it, maybe something better is on the other side.
So I stepped out, I crossed the boards, which were most unsteady, and there, coming up around the corner was an open field, a field that sat on top of a hill that overlooked the base of the Bridge. I was going to reach my goal. It was possible.
Over the last couple of weeks or so I've felt like I'm standing at the boards. I've been traveling alone for a long time. I don't even know if I have everything I need with me, or if I'll have enough energy to make it to what has been promised. It's hard. There's no set plan, there's no ETA listed. I have only my gut to guide me, and prayer to help me through the sticky times. My exes admit that I've had a rough road, and that they have let me down. My family doesn't know how I have the optimism to think the next one will really work out. But I've been promised blessings. I've been promised a family, and even though time seems to be rushing past, I have hope that they will work themselves out.
I watch as friends who have taken the other path are enjoying those blessings I have been promised, and wonder if I missed something. If somehow I was supposed to be on the wider path. But I've checked the road maps, and there is a promise that those blessings are mine up ahead. I just have to walk forward, relying on the direction I have been given. I must step beyond the fear, even though the danger of getting hurt again is mocking me below. Only then can I feel the relief, and reach the goal.
